For the reader of my blog this is a posting that you may want to skip. It is mostly a note to myself after a bad dream.
At 4:30am I woke up in a cold sweat and shaking. I must of been having a bad dream or it was a nightmare. I do not know because I can't not remember a thing. I laid in bed for half an hour trying to get back to sleep but my mind and body would not cooperate.
I got up went to the bathroom and decided to read my emails and scan my bloglines list. I sent a email to a friend who is having heart surgery today. He has sent me the warmest and loving emails and handwritten cards the past three months and now I am sending him my wishes and prayers for a safe surgery and speedy recovery.
I know the past few days I have been stressed about my own health, the health and life of another friend, my family and everyday "things". A day does not pass when I do not think about my Mom who passed away almost two years ago and my cousin Gail who passed just over a year ago. I am the oldest living female in my family, at the age of 51 and I almost died in January. Mom and Gail died within a year of each other and I almost died within a year of Gail. I often wonder why not me? How much can one family take? What plans does G-D have for me? What plans do/should I have for myself?
I have this feeling that something really bad is going to happen and I just can not get it out of my mind no matter how hard I try. Most days I feel like I am running in circles and at the end of the day I have very little to show for my time. I have not accomplished or completed any quilting, sewing or craft projects in months. On days when I am having a good day and as evening approaches all hell breaks loose. There are days when no matter what I do it turns sour. Other days are just perfect. As each day ends and I get into bed I am thankful for that day no matter if it was good or bad because I am alive. When I wake up each day I look forward to the day because I am alive. All I can do is take each day as it comes and live each day to it's fullest.
I always dreamed and wanted a "special friend" who I could talk with, not judge me, spend time with, be my "turn to person", be my soul mate, love for a lifetime and I be all this and more to them. I had given up this dream years ago and put it out of my mind thinking it only happen on TV or in movies. Just before I had my first heart attack this person came into my life and changed everything. La Cosa Nostra is a dream come true and a blessing.
I have an outstanding family who I love and loves me. I have outstanding friends who are a great inspiration for me, who I love and who love me.
As I look at the clock an hour and half has passed, soon the family will be getting up to begin their day and I will get back in bed and try to get some more sleep.
Happy dreams and good days to all!
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